Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Why start a blog?

Why start a blog? Basically, I'm fairly shy and reserved. There have been many occasions when my husband and I have been at a friend's house for lunch or dinner, and I have been the only person not saying anything at the table. I think that there is a common misconception that shy people don't have many thoughts or opinions; however, that is not the case. It's just that we aren't comfortable expressing our thoughts, feelings, and opinions in public. I shouldn't speak for all shy people, really I can only speak for myself.

Throughout my life I have experienced a battle raging within between the part of me that longs for the spotlight and wants to be loved and appreciated for my quirkiness, creativity, and sense of humor, and the part of me that becomes paralyzed when asked a question about myself because I'm afraid people will pay attention to me. I'm shy and I'm a public speaker. Sometimes I find it difficult to reconcile these two parts of myself. Yet it goes back to what I said earlier about desiring the spotlight and wanting to retreat from it.

Why all the talk about shyness this morning? Well, it's a major part of how I see myself. Yes, I realize that I could choose to see myself as an extrovert and that might be an interesting experience for a while. At present, I am still stuck in seeing myself as the quiet friendless girl that was never picked as cheerleader, or for drill team for that matter. Of course, both of those activities requires some level of physical coordination that I did not possess. Back to the question of why start a blog. I have a deep need to connect with people, to truly open myself up, let people into my world and share myself with them. I want to be "known". Please don't misunderstand "known" for wanting to be famous, wanting to be known is simply wanting to be understood by others, and feeling a sense of emotional intimacy that results from exposing oneself and allowing oneself to be vulnerable. The easiest way that I know of to express and share myself with others is through writing. I'm an avid journaler, but I can't really share my journaling with other people, although once I brought a journal entry about how miserably depressed I was to a writer's group. Believe it or not I think that the brutal honesty of my entry was appreciated among the stories of children's runny noses and missing buttons from bears. Through this blog I am no longer talking to myself and G-d, the Universe, the Divine, or whatever term for the Creator works for you. I can share myself with you, and I invite you to share your own thoughts and insights so that we might engage in a dialogue together in this space of the blog that carries within it the potential to heal, transform, nurture, and hopefully make us laugh.

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