So as it turns out, my interest for the blog has returned, not full force but a spark. Something in me shut down when I found myself feeling exposed and vulnerable. The truth is, I hardly ever allow myself to really feel vulnerable in "real" life. I stuff down all emotions that will lead me to that bad place that I don't want to go. I am extremely guarded and self-protective and I hate feeling vulnerable, ever. So, I don't let people in and when they try to enter my world, they frequently find that the gates are locked, or if they manage to sneak in past the guard and around to the back entrance they will eventually find themselves expelled.
The only time that I ever really allow myself to be exposed is through writing. When I write I feel safe, strong, and confident enough to share myself openly and vulnerably with others. I'm not sure that I need or want to give that up right now. I want to thank La Belette Rouge for sharing herself so openly, warmly, and lovingly through her writing. She makes the prospect of keeping and maintaining a blog an attractive and appealing idea for me. She inspires me to continue communicating through this means. Thank you La Belette.
I am better in writing than I am in person. In person I come off as shy, cold, or aloof. Really I am just scared. With my husband and daughter and with my friend Pamela, the real me emerges. Funny and crazy. But even with the people close to me I don't want to be vulnerable. But I can show up in my writing as an authentic version of me, and that will have to do for now.
The only time that I ever really allow myself to be exposed is through writing. When I write I feel safe, strong, and confident enough to share myself openly and vulnerably with others. I'm not sure that I need or want to give that up right now. I want to thank La Belette Rouge for sharing herself so openly, warmly, and lovingly through her writing. She makes the prospect of keeping and maintaining a blog an attractive and appealing idea for me. She inspires me to continue communicating through this means. Thank you La Belette.
I am better in writing than I am in person. In person I come off as shy, cold, or aloof. Really I am just scared. With my husband and daughter and with my friend Pamela, the real me emerges. Funny and crazy. But even with the people close to me I don't want to be vulnerable. But I can show up in my writing as an authentic version of me, and that will have to do for now.
Oh, Davida! Thank you so much.I am so very touched and I truly am delighted that I inspired you to keep up blogging. You have inspired me and you have given me courage to take some vulnerable leaps on my blog( the post about Javier, last week, and the one I am posting tomorrow).
ReplyDeleteI have always been a person who is pretty guarded. I was just thinking yesterday about all the very personal things that I write about and how I NEVER imagined I would write any of them. It feels good to be able to be vulnerable and still have boundaries.
You crack me up, I too think I am better in writing than I am in person. I am shy and reserved, at first. After I know someone for a while I warm up and get funny and less reserved---but it can take time for me to do that.
Thank you again for the lovely shout out. And thank you for the kind words you left at my blog. You are a sweetheart and a treasured bloggy friend.
xxoo
I am blessed and honored to be one of the 'special' few :) I guess my 'cut the B.S.'
ReplyDeletepersonality lets you be yourself. I have always thought that I see the 'real' you and you the 'real' me. Let's flip that!
Love you!