The Gift of Praise

Last night my daughter told me that one of her teachers loves her now because my daughter is working extra hard and taking more initiative in class. I asked her how that made her feel, her face lit up and she said that it felt really good. My daughter got off to a rocky start this year with this particular teacher, so much so that my daughter believed that the teacher was out to get her through most of the first semester of school. My daughter has started turning things around in most of her classes, putting in more effort and acting more responsibly. Her teachers have responded with praise and encouragement. Guess what? The praise and encouragement that my daughter has been receiving motivates my daughter to keep doing better. Watching what has been unfolding for my daughter at school has been a good lesson for me as a parent. As a parent it can be so easy to reach for a critical remark or become overly focused on what your child is doing wrong. However, criticism never really works. On a personal level, I can tell you that having my flaws and mistakes pointed out seldom if ever produces any benefit for me. However, if you show a bit of confidence in me I will be more likely to rise to the occasion.

Every child needs discipline and boundaries to truly flourish in life, and along with that comes the need for praise and acknowledgment for all that they are doing right, or even attempting to do right. I am reminded of a book about writing that I recently read, in which the author talks about the art of being a good reader when reading another person's work. In a nut shell she said that praise strengthens a person's work and criticism has the opposite effect. We don't have to praise bad behavior or bad writing for that matter, we just need to focus on what is working, and as we focus our gaze on the good we will find a storehouse of more good awaits us.