The Blues

Despair has me in a stranglehold this morning, and I don't know how to get out. Since I am not working or bringing in money I feel powerless, as though I have no right to think, feel, or exist. Everything that I have learned about stepping back and witnessing my mind and it's propensity for melodrama, has gone out the window. I don't know how to make my life work. At present, I feel as though I will never fulfill my dream of having meaningful work, which is something that I have desperately wanted since I was a teenager. I never fantasized about marriage, my fantasies involved being a great artist.

So much for that thought. I just can't get it together; I feel like a failure.

I have been out of work for over a year. A lot of goals that I had set have been achieved during that time. I have grown tremendously, as I have done a lot of inner work. Right now none of that seems to count, because I am basing my value strictly on money. I'm not making any money= I have no value.

I wasn't going to post anything today, because I am in such a bad frame of mind, but then I remembered that starting this blog was to fulfill my need to write every day. Sorry that I have nothing useful to say at the moment. Hopefully, my mind will take a turn and I will post something later today that is less dreary.