Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Blues

Despair has me in a stranglehold this morning, and I don't know how to get out. Since I am not working or bringing in money I feel powerless, as though I have no right to think, feel, or exist. Everything that I have learned about stepping back and witnessing my mind and it's propensity for melodrama, has gone out the window. I don't know how to make my life work. At present, I feel as though I will never fulfill my dream of having meaningful work, which is something that I have desperately wanted since I was a teenager. I never fantasized about marriage, my fantasies involved being a great artist.

So much for that thought. I just can't get it together; I feel like a failure.

I have been out of work for over a year. A lot of goals that I had set have been achieved during that time. I have grown tremendously, as I have done a lot of inner work. Right now none of that seems to count, because I am basing my value strictly on money. I'm not making any money= I have no value.

I wasn't going to post anything today, because I am in such a bad frame of mind, but then I remembered that starting this blog was to fulfill my need to write every day. Sorry that I have nothing useful to say at the moment. Hopefully, my mind will take a turn and I will post something later today that is less dreary.

1 comment:

  1. No one except the electric company cares how much money you make. What you create and the love you give are what we value. Keep writing and sharing. We all love you