What have I learned about myself since I began writing this blog two weeks ago?
I get lonely and restless when I don't have a goal or something meaningful to do with myself.
I'm a woman that needs to be creative.
I am incredibly goal driven.
I need creative, interesting, and introspective people in my life.
Since I left home at eighteen, I have never been in a position where I have been financially comfortable. If I am to have the vision that my life is unfolding perfectly in every moment, and that every circumstance and relationship in my life is exactly as it should be, then my finances are part of that perfection.
More than anything I want to be able to travel; financially it seems like an impossibility. However, financial situations can change at any minute.
I'm embarrassed to say this, but I need to feel loved, accepted, and respected by my peers. Believe me, I don't feel good about feeling this way or admitting it, but it's the truth and I want to speak the truth on this blog if it will be of benefit to me or the readers.
I am the only person that is responsible for my lack of connection to people, and my lack of close and meaningful friendships. I'm not the most accessible, warm, or open person, and that's a result of my low opinion of myself. For years I blamed my miserable school experience on my classmates not extending their friendship to me. When did I ever reach out to any of them? When did I ever feel that I was worthy of their friendship? I was introverted, depressed, and a loner. Can I honestly look at myself and believe that the energy that I was giving off invited friendship. Ultimately, I have to take responsibility for my misery; however, I can do that without being harsh or self-critical. I did the best that I could in the moment. If I would have liked, valued, and respected myself I would have seen that reflected in my relationships with classmates. But I didn't value myself, I didn't see my own worth, and I still don't. But I'm a work in progress. I'm reaching out now in this moment through these words.