Choosing Myself

This morning the phone rang in the middle of my meditation. The phone happened to be next to me, so I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was my husband making his routine morning call. I wanted to talk to him, but I also look forward to my quiet time in the morning. It is all too easy for my mind to come up with excuses to get up from meditation and wander about the house in search of distractions. As much as my mind and body may struggle with sitting for meditation, ultimately I know that when I’m finished I feel deliciously serene and centered within my body. However, this morning when my husband called, I wanted to talk to him and I worried that if I waited forty-five minutes to call him back, that by that time he would no long want to talk to me. As I was watching this little drama play out in my mind, I became aware that I live my life chasing after people and things, believing that I have to choose them first or they surely won’t choose me. For the most part it has been true, people don’t pursue me.  Some people give off a confident energy that draws people to them; I think that is because they are aware of their self-worth. I have to go to people because I believe that they won’t come to me on their own; I’m too boring, quiet, and introspective, the list goes on and on.  This morning I chose myself and my meditation, and called my husband when I was finished. Choosing myself put me up there with the confident people that know their own worth; it was beautiful experiencing myself as one of them and basking in the light of my own wonderful presence.