Friday, November 12, 2010

Breaking Free

I woke up this morning agitated and worried about something that happened last night before I went to bed. Normally if I am upset about something or have had a disagreement with someone, I have a very hard time functioning afterwards until the other person and I have made peace. I didn’t know how I would get through my morning routine, which happens to involve a lot of sitting still and being with myself and my thoughts. I was upset, peace had not been achieved yet in my world, and now I had to literally sit still and be with my restless thoughts for an hour and a half? In the past, like two days ago, I would have said that there was no way that I was going to be able to sit with myself this morning. I was just too restless and the last thing that I felt like doing was facing me; I wanted to run away. However, this morning I did something different, just as I did yesterday morning when I refrained from answering the phone during my meditation time. I started to think about what kind of woman do I want to become, and what kind of women inspire me. I decided that I wanted to be the kind of woman that chooses to do the thing that will ultimately be nourishing and nurturing instead of reaching for familiar, but unhealthy patterns of behavior. So I chose to be with myself, and not escape the opportunity to become a new person in that moment. Every time that I reach for a new way of responding , thinking, and being in this world, I am reinventing myself and getting that much closer to breaking free.

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