This week has been emotionally challenging for me. I will do anything to avoid confrontation. I hate and fear confrontation. I assume that I am wrong and the other person is right, and I never attempt to stand up for or defend myself. I do things that are horribly inconvenient for me while benefiting another, and frequently go without thanks. I don't want to come off as a selfish or withholding person, for I know that at my core I am selfish and withholding. So I go out of my way to be the opposite. However, it is growing too tiresome and painful for me to continue living my life this way.
Confrontation has come my way this week on a few occasions, and I have faced it instead of running away. Not only have I stood up for myself, I have taken a stand for my daughter. Just a moment ago, my daughter was cursed out online by a girl from her school. It was bad enough that someone that my daughter considered to be a friend would communicate to her in such a hateful manner, but what made it even worse is that my daughter had done absolutely nothing wrong. The other girl imagined a problem that did not exist in reality and then blamed my daughter for it. My daughter handled herself well and did not respond in kind.
I told my daughter that it stops now. We will no longer worry more about other people's feelings than our own. We will no longer allow people to walk all over us and then apologize to them for things we have not done. We will no longer take care of other people's needs while ignoring our own. Yes, it stops now.
I know that confrontation will continue to rear its ugly head until I no longer fear it. The confrontations this week have been difficult, but necessary. It is necessary that I learn to put myself and my family first. Right now I am in the middle of a war, and I no longer intend to be a casualty.
Great post, hon, but I take issue with one of your statements:
ReplyDelete"I don't want to come off as a selfish or withholding person, for I know that at my core I am selfish and withholding"
I hope that while waging your war on 'fear of confrontation' you will also come to know yourself better and accept that you are NOT selfish and withholding. It is not selfish to put you and your family first, to stand up for yourself and assert your right to 'be' without worrying others may not like you. It isn't withholding to say 'NO', I don't feel like being treated disrespectfully today and taken for granted, so I CHOOSE not to do that 'one little thing' for someone that I always did to be liked. You are a loving, giving person who needs to start doing that 'one little thing' for herself for a change. Thank you for including me in your struggle, you're stronger already. :)
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