Wednesday, December 22, 2010

What Happened to My Face?

I have never been overly concerned about my appearance and certainly not about aging. When I was in my twenties I told my self that I would always look like I was in my twenties, and I honestly believed this to be true up until a couple of years ago. I thought that if I willed it, I would look the same at seventy that I had at twenty-eight. Those were the wonderful days of living in a grand magical illusion. I'm forty one, twenty-nine years away from seventy, and I am quite aware that I don't look like a twenty-eight year old or a thirty-eight year old for the matter. It seems as though over night, my face has changed and not for the better. Unless I'm smiling I think that I look quite awful. My hands are different also. What happened to the youthful skin on my hands? No longer can I eat an entire pie over the course of a day, apparently I have to eat in moderation and exercise if I want to wear clothes with zippers.

Here is the odd thing, or really it's not so odd but rather common. I feel exactly the same inside even though I am different outside. For most of my life I have heard people talk about feeling the same as they did when they were a kid even though their bodies had grown old; now I am beginning to understand that insight. I'm not old by any means, and many people consider forty-one to be a baby still. Fortunately, a change in wisdom and insight occurs with age, but the inner feeling of youthfulness stays the same. It is mind blowing to think that should I live to eighty that I would have the same inner feeling that I have carried with me since childhood. What an experience that would be, both amazing and utterly frustrating having a body that is out of sync with your spirit.

In the beginning I looked forward to forty and to every year that would follow, because I cherished all of the wonderful lessons that I had learned and would continue learning with age. I still love the concept of aging and growing in wisdom, but I hate what it's doing to my face.


  1. I smiled as I read your post - I just updated my blog with a post about my body and physical features...

  2. know, I watch children wear youth with an amazing glow that is no longer in my possession, they casually (and without gratitude) look beautiful no matter what they wear or what they're doing. But they can't pull off sophisticated makeup and they can't pull of cool suits or weighty jewelry that has a great backstory of where it was bought (on some cool trip, with a great person). So this is now my new territory. I am exploring it and discovering inspiration here that doesn't suit a beautiful young person. I can accept that this is a trade-up, not a trade off. I'm working on my patience, my self-understanding. Those are more valuable to me than my old ;) young skin. i'm taking care of myself (I just bought a new doohicky to wash my face with, seems to be working out nicely), trying to get more sleep, eat decently, but beyond that, I think it is my responsibility to embrace a new aesthetic and shift my expectations of and definition of beauty. It's a daily process, for sure. Thank you for writing so honestly about it here.

  3. Editor, thanks for the insightful and inspired comment. By the way, I added a link on daily post to your blog this morning. Although it didn't quite show up the way I had hoped.