I began writing this blog with the intention of writing something meaningful; I wanted my posts to carry some kind of useful message. However, there are many blogs out there that have messages about growth, so I really don't need to be another. What I have discovered of late is that I am much less interested in sharing insights than I am in creating images from my imagination and writing them down. As I read over my earlier entries, although they were written less than three months ago, I find that they have a different quality than the more recent posts. I must say that I enjoy reading my recent posts more than the older ones. I am finding that writing about movies or the world of my imagination is every bit as meaningful, and infinitely more fun to write about than some "insight" into my soul. Although in my life I am always looking for some evolution, some change in my insight. I suppose that I am actually writing about such a change right now.
Another thing that I discovered this week is that I don't want to write about whatever the current insecurity is that I am facing in my life. If I put it out there in words and publish the post then it feels as though I am perpetuating my undesired state, and making it grow larger. I don't believe that this is true for everyone, but that's where I am this week. This is all subject to change by tomorrow morning. I wrote the last few sentences with a bit of fear and trembling, as I do not wish to offend anyone. I think that it can be extremely helpful for writer and reader for the writer to put their insecurities and doubts on the page. It's just not beneficial for me at this moment. Once again, I realize that although I am writing about not wanting to write with a message, perhaps I am doing that just now.
Insight: writing the previous paragraphs was not enjoyable for me, although it's really all that I have to say this morning. I would have much rather written about an Ingmar Bergman film, or the Lancome eyeshadow palette that I am pining for. Oh well, what's done is done and I am posting this anyway.